The ‘first love’
As a past-believer in everlasting love, like the hopeless romantic I am, there were no words to describe my feelings of betrayal when I discovered that my ‘one and only’ was not to be. Looking back I realise that my expectations for the relationship were probably a tad too high. Oh, ok fine – my expectations were so far past the line, that i couldn’t even see it. My relationship with my ex can be compared to a race. I was one of those really really fast horses with one of those pretentious horsey names like wellingtonbanks full of adrenaline and my ex was a snail, a really relaxed snail just going at his own casual pace, probably called chad or something. That sounds like a reasonable snail name.
Anyway, you always start at the beginning of this race together, side by side, my ex being a snail and and me being a horse, waiting for that moment that lets us know it’s okay to go for it and give it our everything. The start is always the best part, you have a clear path ahead of you and you are in this together. But my horsey instincts kick in and I end up going a lot faster than my ex, I take over him, leaving him to trail behind. And eventually I pass the finish line, in relationship terms years before he does. Spending the remainder of my time waiting for him to catch up and be my equal again. But of course it becomes clear that he wont be reaching me any time soon. So I end up spending the most part of the relationship continuing down a lone path filled with crazed ideas about where we are both heading. When in reality, it’s not going anywhere, because essentially I have grown up and moved on, leaving my ex half way through the race. This is naturally my first love in a nutshell. Me wanting to finish the race and “settle down” and my ex wanting to take his time and live in the moment. Unfortunately a little too much. And it is probably the case for most first loves. One will try to move too fast, while the other is reluctant. You out grow each other and decide we want more than what that person can offer and they deserve more than what we can offer them. It is all really quite sad.
But fear not my loved up cherubs, there are plenty of childhood sweethearts still going strong. I’m not saying it is impossible, just that it’s definitely more realistic.
The one night stand
I haven’t had many one night stand’s, only two to count. One I didn’t know and I regret, and the other I did know and I don’t regret it at all. See that’s the thing with me, I’ve never liked the idea of sleeping with someone you don’t know. It kind of freaks me out, and I have no idea why I decided to go ahead with it. It’s not about body confidence or the ability to perform. I have no issues there. It just relates back to my undeniable awkwardness and social anxiety. The thing I worry most about is the next morning. I mean it’s completely acceptable to look a trainwreck during sex, because let’s face it, the guy isn’t going to start complaining about your panda eye’s when you are giving him head. He’s only going to be thinking about the fact that you’re giving him head. It’s when you are both moderately sober and aware of how much of a mess you look and how little you know about them. That’s what freaks me out. What are you supposed to say? Um, hi could you please leave because you are making me uncomfortable, and I would like to continue walking around being a mess and feeling sorry for my hungover self in peace. If it was with someone you know at least you could justify your messy hair do and make-up free face with it’s ok, he’s already seen me like this before.
We’ve all been there. The guy you secretly really liked during your last relationship but never acted on until you ended things with your boyfriend. The one that seemed like a really down to earth and nice guy. He was all magical and different and you fell for him like a deer in the headlights because you both had loads of things in common, but it turns out he was really just a dick, He didn’t really get you and it didn’t feel right. And the things you had in common were pretty much made up because you were so desperate to feel that closeness with someone again. I bet you the sex was really good am I right? Yes, well good for you. Bravo on putting on your sexiest pants and be a sexual unicorn. But that’s all it was really about wasn’t it? Pretty much a prolonged one night stand. . And that my friends is why it is called “The rebound” because it isn’t destined to last. And there’s a reason for that.
The internet romance that wasn’t so romantic after all
Remember msn messenger? Aye, well back in the day I used it mostly for flirtatious conversations with overly exaggerated emotions and updating my pm to who ever I fancied that week. I spent far too much time chatting away to guys I had never met and assuming that they were my boyfriend. It’s kind of what you do as a young teenager, you get to know someone over the internet, and you begin to obsess over them. So much so that you send them nudges until they respond to your large beating heart emotion you sent them merely a second ago. It’s the right of passage as a teenage girl -or at least it was. We all experience an internet romance. But what I learned was that when the time comes to finally meet the person you have been obsessing over, it’s kind of an anti-climax. You spend months “getting to know them before you take the plunge and met them in flesh. It is then when it hits you that even though you know so much about them. You don’t really know them. So the meeting turns out to be actually pretty awkward and although you both usually have so much to say, you suddenly feel quite guarded. You realise they know some of your darkest secrets and being with them makes you uncomfortable. All that talk about all the things you are going to do together and all that sexual tension exchanged in the form of winky faces suddenly means nothing. After the awkward encounter you don’t speak as much and one day you notice your name has been replaced on their pm and you feel a little betrayed and heartbroken. You stop speaking all together and forget about them.
The one that has potential
There’s always that relationship that starts of as just a friendship but over time it gradually becomes more. You aren’t really expecting anything to happen and you kinda wish it would. But you just keep going along being friends until it all suddenly kicks off. It’s unexpected, new and scary, but it feels right.
He’s the friend you’ve always had a thing for. You both share the same kind of silly humour and you get on a little too well. He’s the kindest man you have ever met. He doesn’t put you down instead he lifts you up, he doesn’t judge you – he listens, and he hasn’t ever disappointed you. He puts in the effort and doesn’t ever blow hot and cold. He shows you affection and he has no problems expressing his emotions. You feel safe with him, and you feel calm. You love spending time with him and you find him interesting. Most of all you respect him and you trust him. He is a good person and he is worth every second of your time.
And there is a sort of clarity within yourself when you come across someone like this. If they have potential, don’t miss out! Just go for it. It could be the beginning of something brilliant. There are decent people out there, you just have to take the time of day and get to know them.
p.s. Nice guys do not finish last.